Missing the italian spirit or how Italy turned to be my " madeleine de Proust"

It’s been now more than two years I left Italy and since I always feel like missing something in my life.

When French people listen to me talking about Italy, either they’re pissed off or they tell me to go back. It’s like if there was something magical about Italy that you could not explain until you lived there. And when I see my foreigners friends talking about Italy on facebook, I believe I was not the only one to feel love at first sight with this country…

As I always try to understand if I’m completely wrong when people disagree with me, I started to think about what was making Italy for me different than anything else, was I totally biased ?

I’ve been thinking about it the couples of times I went back to Milan and I came to the conclusion that my life in Milan was in symbiosis with values I cherish and I don’t find easily where I live today. It gets summarize in 3 words: tolerance, generosity, carpe diem.

Let me elaborate…

When I left Milan for Paris, I lived a big cultural shock, people were running all the time, wearing black, never smiling in the metro, judging people on the type of job you do or exhibit you saw, calculating every word that would come out of their mouth: an amazing example of “robots” living for what they have to look like and forgetting to live simply. Ok maybe, I was not working in the right environment since I was in the luxury field but I was a RSVP active member when I was in Milan and I never got such feelings…

TOLERANCE : I will speak only for Milan where I lived, but in Milan, you can enter in a Moschino shop wearing a backpack, casual clothes and the people will be nice to you. You can RSVP to an event wearing snickers and you will meet hipsters hanging out with working girls, no one pays attention to what you wear or should I say everyone check what you wear but they won’t let you feel you ‘re a piece of shit because you made a taste mistake. This is probably linked to the fact they say “they’re Italian, they were born with good taste”, so as long as you wear something it’s potentially thought ahahaha. I’ve always been happy to live in a city representing for me perfectly the post modernism: the morning I could wear soccer short with flip flops, high heels  the evening and I always feel well.

GENEROSITY: when I invite some friends at home, for me it s a pleasure to treat them well and make sure they feel well at home and happy. I will spend some time thinking what I could cook or ensure the table set is pretty and made properly. But when I do that, most of the time, I feel different and, like if I was doing too much. French people don’t always understand the principle of having pleasure treating people well and making things turn nice. It’s not superficial to treat your eyes well when you have a look at a dinner table.

Well, each time I go to Italy and I go to my friends house ( OK maybe my friends are an exception J), well they make me feel special and am really happy to see that what seems natural for me looks natural for them too. This is a way of transforming a day to day event in something different and grateful. They put love in what they do and I do think I’m like them.

Generosity as well cause people are warm and friendly, last time I went to Milan I told myself, this is incredible how I have the feeling to exist in Italy compared to France. People will talk to you in a bar, in a restaurant, at the supermarket, in the streets, your friends will “touch” you, you don’t feel transparent. You can be single and living alone but you will never feel like “abandoned” in Italy. They ‘re less individualist. And what is amazing, I believe that they’re genuine. I remember being a teenager, feeling special in more anglosaxon environment where people were nice to you, but as soon as you left, it was like you never existed, it was present “genuinity” and then you were gone with all the good they could give you, I was quite shocked you can give so much and then go to something else, I thought it was pretending. Well with Italy I don’t have this feeling, I do believe they like people, they re warm.

Being a woman in Italy has been really nice. French guys always say Italian “pretend” so you re completely into them, well I don’t care cause I find them less selfish and proud of themselves than some French that will leave you in a middle of a strike not to get trouble with their car… Italians are gentlemen and even if at the beginning it looks weird for an independent French girl, well if they want to carry my luggage or my bike, I’m grateful towards them and I try to enjoy without feeling guilty, cause I know I would do the same for someone else.

Now back in France, I m always looking for the bar where the bartender will talk to his customers or the restaurant where the person will be nice. I crave for those exchanges, in an environment where if a people talks to you, either you think he s a weirdo, he want to sleep with you or steal your purse… But I realized it was not only a French attitude last time I went to London. I was shocked by the non welcoming sense of some shops or bar or taxis or hotels.

If people sometimes could stop pretending they’re important, life is hard, and everyone wants to piss you off, they could see life can be much easier when you start with a smile.

CARPE DIEM: I kept the best for the end. In France, our favourite sport/hobby (thanks to our education) is to complain and say we will never be happy, focusing on all the things that go wrong. We never live in the present, or at least most of the people I know, but leave in a near future that could be finally nicer. So going for some drinks in 2 means reinventing the world.

Well, I have to tell you something, in Italy, the economic crisis sucks as well, people have less money, they re 30 and have still to live either with parents or flat mates or even sometimes roommates, but they don’t forget to live!!! They don’t forget to enjoy life. I m not saying that they re happy dumb and never have their moments, we all do as long as you started an education teaching you to always enhance things and get better, but at least they know how to “godersela”, I remember Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love experimenting this symptom. It’s not a symptom, it’s a disease we should all get because honestly, life is much better when you get strike by such syndrome. People live, express their feeling, are in the spontaneity, they don’t analyze the effect of all they re going to say, it s not because you get emotional or say something stupid once, that you’ll get judged as someone lacking responsibility and a bit dumb. And I think they understood everything, living with a representative mask on the face is tiring but boring as well. Life is complicated enough to make it even more boring, showing emotions makes you live.

I guess this is why I love so much Italy, and if people think Italians are always making too much and exaggerating, well I think French are making to much in overanalyzing the perfect behavior to get credibility, they look proud of themselves and selfish. For them giving to other means either a strategy to get something or a constraint, what a bad vision…

P.S. Apologize for the stereotypes, but I ‘missing this damn country and maybe I was wandering in a much more creative world than I do today !

Food I'll miss the most: PIZZA

Thinking about the food I'll miss the more once back to France, only Pizza (and maybe icecream) come to my mind. I already talked about my pasta experience, but I never talked about my 2 years long relationship with pizza…

In France, I may eat pizza once a month, and most of the time, it’s because I do it by my own. In Italy, it happened I ate pizza twice a day: I KNOW, this is crazy.  

In France, pizzas are expensive and even if I live in a town where you can find probably more than 30 pizzerias just along the river, it’s almost impossible to find one cooking them properly. Most of the time, the crust looks like crepe, they put industrial tomato sauce, and greasy emmental. When you eat pizza in France, you feel like getting bread with it because they put too many stuff on it…

In Italy, you can find pizza everywhere and all style. Never go in a bakery at lunch time if you're starving or you will feel like buying  5 different types of slices. In Italy, the dough is awesome. The tomato sauce as well, and the mozzarella, gives an amazing taste to the pizza. It does not feel greasy, it’s tasty. Most of the time, I was prefering eating pizza cause I was considering it healthier than meat and veggies that were drowning in olive oil…  Mozzarella with pepperoncino flakes and rucola was my favourite.  Simple but good. I would have loved finding goat cheese pizza but there, it was not really possible. In brief,  I had so many pizzas in Italy that it probably became the bottom of my food pyramid… 

I remember one of my last days, I brought an Italian friend to a napolitan place, she told me it was probably the best pizza she ever had, I was so proud, I had become a pizza expert,  I knew the places where we could get litteraly pizzas orgasms.

And if ever it was not about napolitan style, I could always impress with quantity. Once, I went to a place where you can get meters of pizzas… Another concept, called giropizza, was to pay a fixed price and then you get all you can eat pizza until you can’t, the rule being: the table had to finish all the pizzas brought... aweful... I remember as well bringing a friend to a place where the pizza were more than 40cm diameter, the guy sitting next to us said to my friend: “here, they do the biggest pizza in the world !” my friend, thinking “why Italians have to think they always have the best/biggest…” well for pizza, I actually don’t care :-)

Before leaving, I went one last time to a pizzeria I was coming often when I was a student. It was a while I haven’t been there so the guy was really happy to see me. Once again, like everywhere in Italy, it was not about take away pizza, it was about getting an augmented product/service. The guy was nice, they made me a heart shape pizza as they used to do for me in the past. Such tiny positive things that contribute to make your day… And all this for 4euros with a coke… I know this is crazy (again). 

Pizza was my favorite food in Italy and for sure I’ll have to come back to get some. 

Evening metro

The other day I took the metro in Paris: only sad depressive faces, no hope. I had forgot that each time I take the metro there, people look like "about to commit suicide". I then remembered how kind of funny it was to take transportation in Milan, there was always someone that would speak too loud so you could have fun while listening. One of my favourite topic, was around 7.30pm when the mums were at the phone telling their children/husband to be patient or they could always find food in the fridge. It was like if the mum was the god of the food, the only one able to feed her family and that if ever she was late back from work, a catastrophe would happen and the family would have to quest for ready made food... Mums were: “there is this ... from yesterday or you can get some salame or there are eggs and pancetta, you can prepare some pasta”. You could feel the guilt in their voice. Most of the time, they were always with another girl friend, trying to help (or not) by giving ideas of quick recipes. I was finding this incredible, how women are still considered as the one that has to cook for all. Why do they still feel this guilt? So far, guys have hands and should be able to cook as well. Is it at church on Sundays that we teach them to be a good wife and supply good home made meals to their family otherwise they stand for failure/shame of their home ?!!! 

Anyway, even if Italy is not a feminist country for sure, in 2 years in Milan I never experimented such sadness in public transportation than in Paris. Each time I go there, I have the feeling of being in death row, and for sure, this is a failure of our french (parisian) society...

Leaving Italy: merchandising and design...

Last week end, while I was walking in Milan, paying attention to every details, so I could capture them forever in my mind, I was trying to understand why I loved so much this town and what I’ll be missing once back to France.

For example, each time I have to think about Paris, "show off and cold" come to my mind. On the contrary, I consider Milan “boiling” and trendy without being bossy. You can feel humility in the postwar constructions, acting like imperfection stains in the middle of the historic architectural palaces. The roads, poorly maintained, sometimes dirty, contrast with the beauty of showrooms and palaces. 

Milan is not about doing it big, it’s not like striking by being overwhelming, nothing compared to Times Square or Dubai for example. Milan is about surprising even in the tiny places you would never expect. 
I’ve been trying to figure out why even the smallest shop in Milan is cool. OK, I understand it’s a bigger town than the one where I’ve been raised, though I like thinking that Italians are different and can't consider experimenting a place without design, that it's part of their culture. When you know as well, that you have more architects in Italy than in the rest of Europe, you ‘re in a way increasing the proportion of having the right "connections" to setup your place or to have out of the box/cool ideas….

Living in Milan for me, was like having the feeling of being in a bubble, where merchandising would meet design and art. Every week, taking the bus and passing in front of COIN 5Giornate windows displays was a bit like my treat, each time I was wondering which crazy idea they would have come up with that time…

This is part of the things I will probably miss the more: in Milan, shops are not about selling a product, they re about selling an experience. Same for the restaurants or the bars (when you skip the more traditionalist), you go there and it’s a bit like a game, if you’re paying attention to details, you will discover small “gifts” that were left while doing the layout of the place. The other day, I went to Pasta Madre restaurant in Porta Romana, I found the place awesome, the clothes hanger was made with kitchenware, the door handle was made with a trowel. When I took a picture of the ceiling made of recycled carton roll, one of the customers started watching up and suddenly discovered this detail. 
It's about watching and observing.In an era, where we promote the 5 senses experience and eco sustainable design, eating or shopping in a surprising and enjoyable place, is enhancing your customer experience. You may be conscious of it or not, but even if don’t pay attention to it, no need to be a design expert to feel the wellness associated. That is what is transforming any customer experience into a nice one...

Calder style using small tables at Cassina

other examples (links): 
DADA meeting point merchandising
Replay Milano

Coffee at the counter...

Yesterday, while I was having my coffee at the counter, it came to my mind that it was probably one of the last time I was drinking a coffee in a bar  in Italy. I had a look around me, listened to the noise of the plates and cups extracted of the dishwasher, saw the guy managing perfectly all his actions to make 2, 3, 5 coffees at the same time (in a minimum of gesture). I noticed the old boiserie,  the smell of the coffee, the guy knowing by heart each customer preference and I thought how funny it was, that morning coffee had became one of my favourite daily routine, whereas when I arrived, I was finding it stressful. I remember how weird it was for me to see people getting their “shot” of coffee and leaving. 

In France, we have the tradition of seating to sip our coffee. I remember as well how I started loving that moment, like if every morning, when I was getting up, I was having my injection of Italian culture before starting the day. It was not anymore about considering this moment as drinking a coffee alone and in a hurry, no, it was like if I had finally discovered the Italian secret: the art of getting a concentrate of social life mixed with caffeine energy in less than 3 minutes… It was about small pleasures, and for this, no need of the volume of an American coffee…

Leaving Italy: one of those morning moments...

This morning, still in my “Im leaving Milan soon” mindset, I had the most amazing walk. In 10 min, I saw a guy staring at me (from the tits to the butt), a old lady wearing fur coat  and carrying  her fashion tiny chiwawa dog  (yes we can kill mink but dogs are like babies..), a guy checking that the chrome of his motorbike was OK, after his girlfriend fell while trying to jump on it (why should we check if the girl is ok too ?…). I arrived then at the level of road works, there the 5 working men were working while watching all the girls going around. I thought, this is amazing, this is I.T.A.L.Y. Even if I have to be honest, cause I probably never paid so much attention in my own country, the fact that it’s striking me even after 2 years, means the overall culture is different. Italy is like a SHOW (for people like the French)… And either you  laugh about it or you hate it….

Milano Cimitero Monumentale

Working in the area, and knowing I was about to leave Milano, one day I finally escaped during “pausa pranzo” to visit Cimitero Monumentale.

I’m not really into visiting cemetery and taking pictures of graves, I find it weird and voyeurist.  But that day, my curiosity won, everybody was keep talking about it, I could not leave Milano without visiting it...

Without knowing, I probably picked the best moment of the year to do it: with All saints, graves were covered by flowers and the winter light of midday was giving a strange ambiance…

I have to admit I would have never imagined what I saw, I was expecting big but not so crazy insane big. This cemetery is like a Versailles for dead people, even if  I would consider it more like a Disneyworld: every famous “name” has its own doll house and tried to make it the most appealing. So walking in the alley, you go from the egyptian pyramid, the greek temple, roman architecture, Indian influence small palaces to very modern structures.

 

Initially it has been build mid 19^th century to gather all the small cemeteries of Milan and a lot of famous people are buried there. But I experimented it as a completely megalomaniac place. It reminded me UBU ROI from Alfred Jarry, where a ridiculous image is given to "fame and power" greedy people, afraid of death cause nobody will remember them, and so try to find a way of leaving a trace.

While I was walking there, I tried to focus only on architecture, to avoid the discomfort left by watching graves. Yet, the sculptures on the graves have been made to catch the eyes, they are everywhere, big, in bronze, scary. Even the sun or the flowers, don’t manage to give them a quiet and peaceful attitude, it’s even worse, they become surrealist. You can’t avoid feeling the pain everywhere: the sculptures are standing for people praying in the pain, skeletons, death metaphor… Like if each time you have to think about dead people you have to feel guilty and bad. I’m not saying death is not a big deal, I’m just saying I prefer to keep a positive souvenir of the people I met and are dead, more than feeling about to commit suicide cause, me, I’m still here. I remember visiting a cemetery during all saints in Morne à l'eau in Guadeloupe, the graves were giving you a healthy feeling. They had lighted candles everywhere, and the warmth of the candles was giving a positive/joyful atmosphere. A good way to remember people you used to know, nothing compared to the traditionalist “ I have to whip myself cause I have to feel pain of death”…